I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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