this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
