Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have post one night stand depression
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