PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
