We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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