It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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