This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
