Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
