We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
