A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
