She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
