so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
