If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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