what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish you could order shots online.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
