Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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