I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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