1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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