please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
