Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Drake has all the answers
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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