Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
