im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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