Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
