I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
