i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
