So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
