Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
