I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
