i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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