What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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