May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
