I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize