Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize