totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
