forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
