i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
