guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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