You just made me feel so damn special
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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