Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
