Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
