He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
