I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
