If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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