I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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