I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
