she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Two words: blizzard sex
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
