I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
