I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
