So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
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