Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
