with your own penis?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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