Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
