She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
