Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
too bad you live with your parents still
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
