I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
