Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
