The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
