theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just gift wrapped bread.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
