batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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