Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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