It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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