I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I smell like Dick and happiness
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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