Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
