His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize