If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
